I started therapy sometime in September 2012 to deal with the problem of my weight and the choices I’ve made, why I’ve made them, to get me to this point. Back at the end of March 2013, I resigned back up for Medical Weight Loss Clinic’s weight loss program and had incredible success. In the first week I lost 16.4 pounds. I found the diet too restrictive and craved bread, so I ate bread–a whole bag within 3 days with smart balance butter–almost a full 16 ounce tub in 3 days. I gave up after that and gained back almost all of the weight I lost.
Getting out of bed Friday morning, April 11, my right knee gave. I caught myself, sitting down on the bed. All day at work, I suffered pain each time I got up and my knee gave 3 other times sending me back into my seat. How much is enough? I have the choice to change, but am not taking it. These are things I deal with in therapy.
I’m not sure therapy is working because I am not choosing to change even though the pain is great. My doctor has told me that pain causes us to change. Not so with me. I am experiencing a lot of pain both emotional and physical, but yet I continue to hurt myself in order to maintain the pain. I have hurt so long that to be without pain is odd. It is not comfortable because it is unknown. Am I that afraid of the unknown? Apparently.