After several weeks of going on a Belguim Waffle binge, and in desperation, I started again this week to focus on the want to stop binging and getting the support and accountability I needed.
Monday, I attended the Over Eaters Anonymous local group. A few hours after, I went online to find another O.A. meeting, found one, finally figured out how to join the group with two minutes to go in the meeting. At least I was there.
Thursday, I attended the local O.A. meeting and shared about my struggle–I ate a box of ice cream and donuts at work. My addiction to food has moved from the safety of my home to work now. Like an alcoholic hiding a bottle in a desk drawer, I waited for someone to look around the edge of my cubicle and catch me at it. I waited for…wanted to be shamed for my dispicable act of self indulgence…maybe that would make me stop. No one saw. No one noticed who passed by.
Saturday morning, I attended the local O.A. meeting and went to see my therapist. We talked about my successes this week and what would help me change to live healthy. I told him I didn’t want to feel like this. I didn’t want to feel bad. I didn’t want to feel the pain that my weight has caused me that I am ignoring as hard as possible. I forget who suggested it…probably him, yes, it was him. That I put a sticky note on the refrigerator with “I don’t like the way I feel” on it as a reminder to not indulge in over eating.
Change is worth the effort.
I don’t like the way I feel.
I don’t have to feel like this if I don’t give in to the temptation to indulge my addiction to overeating.
I will chose sensible portions of food.
I will listen to the voice of my body so I know when I am experiencing true hunger.
I will eat when I am hungry.
I will eat what my body is hungry for.
I will stop when I am satisfied.
Satisfied comes a lot sooner than I think it does.