Last Night

Last night I went to bed slightly hungry. It was a wonderful feeling knowing I did not give in to more random eating. I waited for true hunger all day before I ate. That small step was a huge accomplishment in taking control back over binge eating.

Yes, I ate Taco Bell for lunch, because that is what I really wanted. That was what my body was telling me it wanted and I gave my body what it wanted and my body was satisfied.

After a long, luxurious nap, (yes, I battle depression), I waited again for true hunger–afraid it would never come. Finally, yes, it came. I had bought some rib-eye steaks on sale for $4.99 a pound. I fixed a baked potato and a rib-eye. I enjoyed every bite.

I put up the sign I told my therapist I would–it’s helping to bring clarity to my life.

I read from “For Today” May 27, out of the Over Eaters Anonymous book today and waited for true hunger and ate a cup of cereal and skim milk. It tasted so good and satisfied my hunger. I am content.

This disease rages within me, but I don’t have to give in to the raging. There is still so much to experience in this life. Why would I allow food to bring me down? Why would I allow it to entomb me in this body? Why would I allow its chains to bind me? There is so much here and so much more I want out of this life. It isn’t too late. I have this moment. I have this choice. I have this day and will take it one day at a time. Thank you Lord for that. Thank you for my sanity. Thank you that even though I’ve ignored you and pushed you away you’ve been here the whole time. Thank you for being consistent.

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