Cookies and Going Up

This isn’t the way it was supposed to be. I had the surgery. You know THE surgery to have my stomach turned into a sleeve. After which I was supposed to live happily ever after as a size 16….What happened along the way? Cookies. Cake. Potato Chips. Anything and everything happened along the way. Do I really hate myself that much that I won’t stop eating sweets? That I won’t stop eating period (.) Ugh! There’s a monster living inside me called ME who wants what she wants when she wants it. Oh that I could eat only when I am hungry and only “good things”. Instead I betray myself with food. I sabotage my efforts when I get home from work having been very good while under the eye of my co-workers, but once out of the spotlight I go on binges that would make a circus fat woman proud.

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Stuck

I’ve been stuck in the 360s for the last three months. Currently I weigh 359.4. This is very frustrating. I attribute my lack of progress to overeating. I don’t think I’m eating much, but obviously I’m doing something wrong to only make it into the 360s. I’m not exercising so that could be part of the problem.

Total lost to date 86 pounds

So far to date I’ve lost 86 pounds. I’m down to 361. When I get to 350 I’m going to give myself a treat. I’m planning on going to Michigan Adventure Amusement Park in Muskegon. Once I get down to 325 or 300 I may go to Harry Potter World in Orlando. Part of my goal of losing weight is to ride the Fly with Harry ride, which I could not fit into when the park first opened.

Working Out More Consistently

So far for the last two weeks I’ve worked out at least three times a week. I’m starting to look forward to it and have a routine down: 10 minutes walking on the treadmill and 15-20 minutes on the recumbent bike, then circuit training with weights. Today, I went and worked out right after church. I’m probably going to have to workout right after work because if I go home first I’ll stay home.

373.6

So far I’ve dropped over 20 pounds since New Years. I’m thrilled with this new number. Looking forward to more weight dropping off.

So far, I’ve worked out five days in a row. Okay, so I’ve been doing about 10 minutes of walking or the bike. Yesterday I did a combined total of 20 minutes walking and the bike. Then I did a curves-like circuit workout and lifted free weights and did a few more machines for a total yesterday of 40 minutes. It felt so good to be at the gym trying to push my body a little harder than normal.

Exercise

I really don’t enjoy exercising at all. I enjoy lifting weights, but know that I must do cardio to lose weight along with lifting weights.

This morning I woke around 2 a.m. Couldn’t get back to sleep so I went to the gym and worked out for 45 minutes. I did 15 minutes on the bike and the rest on weights with rest periods in between. Even though I did 15 minutes on the bike I really didn’t push myself. I lazed my way through that part of the workout doing 49-59 rpms. My heartrate was only at 98 bpm. Was this a good workout? I did something. I moved more than I usually do, but without pushing myself What good was this workout. Chime in. I’m interested to know what others think. Thank you for reading.

Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition Open Casting Call Tryout

Yesterday, I ventured to Chicago for an open casting call for the TV show Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. I didn’t get a call back, but had fun during the interview.

Here are some highlights from that casting call:
I was number 19 only about 100 people showed up by the time I left around 11:15 a.m.
We were taken into a room at the Copernicus Center in Chicago six at a time to be interviewed by two casting directors.
Some of the questions were:
What is your name, age, weight, height and what do you do for a living?
When you want to pig out where do you go what do you eat?
When you reach your ideal weight what do you want to do?
What is your ideal weight?
Did you ever play sports?
Do you have any family members, siblings who are overweight and if so how much do they weigh?
Do you have children or grandchildren?
Have you seen the show?

Even though I wasn’t chosen for a call back, I had a good time. The process of being in front of people talking about my weight and what I will do when I reach my goal weight lent itself to some soul searching. Why have I allowed myself to get this big and what will I do about it? I got this big because I gave up trying to lose weight. I failed at losing weight, failed at finding and keeping love and feel like a failure overall. What will I do different to combat this weight problem. I got the sleeve and now eat smaller portions and exercise once a month. Yes, once a month because I do want to fail and so set my exercise goal low enough for it to be reachable. So far this month I’ve worked out twice.